All aboard! The Toad Chronicles adventure ride will depart the terminal in approximately thirty minutes. All ticket holders should proceed to the south end of the building to begin boarding the swamp buggies.
Map for Leg One Adventure Ride
Welcome Aboard The Toad Chronicles Adventure Ride
The Toad Chronicles is an inspiring, theme park adventure ride set in the metaphorical swamp of life. During the various legs of the ride, Zeni, the ride’s narrator and protagonist of the series, recounts the tales of her journey to find Prince Charming, ultimately escaping the swamp and becoming the hero of her own fairy tale.
In Escape the Swamp – Become the Hero of Your Own Fairy Tale, leg one of the ride, or book one of the series, seven guests join Zeni aboard a swamp buggy adventure through the swamp as she narrates eleven of her escapades, introducing two species of toads living in the swamp: the “religious freak” and “commitment creep” toads. These seven guests, Virgil, Winnie, Charlie, Rudy, Emma, Shaniqua, and Jennifer, along with the buggy’s driver, José, represent a cross-section of society, bringing their unique perspective about life on board the buggy.
At the conclusion of each escapade, Zeni and the guests partake in a lively, sometimes heated, discussion. During this discussion time, the guests ask Zeni questions as well as share their thoughts and own tales from the swamp. Zeni imparts to them some of the life-altering wisdom she gained while trekking through the swamp, in hopes of empowering them to rise up and escape the swamp as well.
Excerpts from Narrated Portion of The Toad Chronicles Adventure Ride
Excerpt from Start of Escapade Two
Narration begins with Zeni speaking with Rudy:
“Let’s start with you, Rudy. Please tell us a little bit about yourself.”
“I’m from Charleston, South Carolina. My partner, Mitt, and I own an interior design firm. . .”
“It sounds like you really enjoy what you do for a living.”
“You bet I do. I fucking love being a designer. It’s definitely my calling.”
“That’s wonderful you have discovered your Divine purpose.”
“I can’t tell you how blessed I am to wake up every day to a job I fucking love. For fifteen years, I busted my ass as a pharmaceutical salesman. I hated every minute of it, but the money was great.”
“What prompted you to change careers?”
“In 2001, I had a massive heart attack. Let me tell ya, it scared the living fuck out of me. I was . . .”
Excerpt from Start of Escapade Three
Narration begins with Zeni speaking with Virgil:
“Fair enough. Let me ask you then. What do you think about the ‘abducted by aliens’ toad?”
“Ma’am, with all due respect, I ain’t never heard nothin’ like that before. That boy, Alfie, he was just damn plain crazy.”
“A lot of our past guests have felt the same way as you. Personally, I don’t agree with the doctrines of Alfie’s religion. But everyone is entitled to their beliefs; provided, of course, those beliefs don’t physically, mentally, or emotionally harm another person.”
“I don’t agree with ya, ma’am. There’s only one way for a man to believe, and that’s to believe in Jesus Christ as his Savior.”
“Praise the Lord, Mister Virgil.”
“Miss Shaniqua, I ain’t never gonna have me a colored person in my home. But you’re always welcome to worship with me at my church.”
“What? You afraid yous gonna catch something from me ’cause I’m black? We’s all just people, Mister Virgil.”
Excerpt from Start of Escapade Six
Narration begins with Zeni speaking with Charlie:
“Virgil, I’m going to interrupt. I’d like to hear from Charlie. Would you have gone to Boston, if you were me?”
“In a heartbeat. I don’t have a lot of women interested in me, so when opportunity knocks, I take it. But if I got dumped like you did, I would have been depressed for years. How did you get over the hurt?”
“The best thing I did was to spend some time alone. It gave me an opportunity to heal and reflect upon all that I had been through.”
“But I hate being alone.”
“Most people I talk to feel the same way as you. Society rarely teaches us about the benefits of meditative periods spent alone in our own company. We can learn a great deal about ourself during these alone periods while confronting any darkness existing within us.”
“Sounds pretty scary. I don’t like the darkness.”
“None of us really do. We don’t like to look at the parts of ourselves that need fixing. By confronting the darkness, though, we can heal from our wounds and move forward into the light. We certainly can’t do that with a bunch of noise distracting us.”
Excerpt from Start of Escapade Seven
Narration begins with Zeni speaking with Emma:
“Thanks, Zeni. Now, where was I? . . .”
“You were talking about being a society wife.”
“Oh, yes! Look, I know it’s hard for you people to understand. But from the day I was born, I was groomed to be a socialite. I went to the finest boarding schools, played lacrosse, became a debutante, and learned to speak fluent French. I then went to Princeton where I got a degree in art history. Two days after graduation, Daddy introduced me to Parker. His great-grandfather founded one of the largest steel companies.”
“Why did you divorce Parker?”
“The divorce wasn’t my idea. He’s the one who wanted it, so he could marry his Puerto Rican whore. Whoops! I should have said, ‘assistant.’”
“I’m sorry to hear it didn’t work out with Parker. But in my opinion, you’re better off without him.”
“You don’t get it, do you?”
“My apologies, Emma. I didn’t mean to offend you.”
“No offense taken, Zeni. I guess I’m just scared right now. My parents didn’t teach me to be independent like you.”
“My parents definitely taught me to be self-sufficient. There isn’t anything I can’t do that I put my mind to. You’re just as capable as me, though. You just have to believe in yourself.”
Excerpt from Start of Escapade Nine
Narration begins with Jennifer speaking with Zeni:
“So, if I’m understanding you correctly, the bad stuff that’s going on in the world right now is the result of our separation from God and, in turn, each other.”
“Yes, that’s absolutely correct. We’ve all been living in a swamp where we’ve become totally disconnected as a Humanity, both from God and each other. We’ve given our power away to false constructs versus living in accordance with God’s natural laws.”
“Wow! Thank you so much for enlightening me. I’m going to share your message with everyone I know.”
“You’re most welcome, Jennifer. And yes, please keep spreading the message, far and wide. Does anyone else have anything they would like to say? . . . Yes, Virgil.”
“Young lady, I ain’t never heard so much malarkey come outta one person’s mouth. You ain’t God, I ain’t no god, an’ Winnie, she damn sure ain’t no goddess.”
“Speak for yourself, you ’ol coot. I like the thought of being a goddess. It makes me feel empowered.”
“You know I’m right, Winifred. Pastor Henry talked about this in church last month. You remember, don’t ya?”
“Sure, I remember. It was right before he passed around the offerings basket, asking for money.”
“Pastor Henry says that spiritual people like Miss Zeni are messin’ up the world. They’re leading us straight to Hell.”
Excerpt from Start of Escapade Eleven
Narration begins with Zeni speaking with the guests:
“Excuse me, Zeni, I’d like to chime in here and ask Shaniqua a question, if I may.”
“Sure, Sista Jennifer. You can ask me anything you want.”
“Well, listening to you during today’s ride, you seem to be harboring a lot of anger toward men. I know you said that you’re just kidding when you talk about men, but I sense something deeper going on. I hope you don’t mind me asking this, but have you ever been abused by a man?”
“Oh, now, Sista Jennifer, that’s hard for me to talk about. I ain’t thought about it in a really long time.”
“My apologies, Shaniqua. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”
“Ah, it’s okay. I know you’s just askin’ ’cause you want to fix me.”
“Look, you don’t have to talk about it. I shouldn’t have pried.”
“That’s okay, Sister Jennifer. I’s know you meant well. Besides, it’s time that I talk about it, so I can put all that shit behind me.”
“Here. Take my hand. Shaniqua. I know you’ll feel better once you let it all out.”