About the Adventure Ride

All aboard! The Toad Chronicles adventure ride will depart the terminal in approximately thirty minutes. All ticket holders should proceed to the south end of the building to begin boarding the swamp buggies.

Map for Leg One Adventure Ride

Welcome Aboard The Toad Chronicles Adventure Ride

The Toad Chronicles is an inspiring, theme park adventure ride set in the metaphorical swamps of life. During the five legs of the ride, Zeni, the ride’s narrator, recounts the tales of her journey to find Prince Charming, ultimately transforming and becoming her Superhuman, Divine Self.

During leg one of the ride, or in Awaken to the Journey which is book one of the Toad Chronicles adventure ride series, seven guests join Zeni on board a swamp buggy as she narrates eleven of her escapades, introducing guests to two species of toads living in the swamps: the “religious freak” and “commitment creep” toads. The seven guests, Virgil, Winnie, Charlie, Rudy, Emma, Shaniqua, and Jennifer, along with the buggy’s driver, José, represent a cross-section of society, bringing their unique perspective about life on board the ride.

At the conclusion of each escapade, Zeni and the guests partake in a brief group discussion. During this discussion time, the guests ask Zeni questions as well as share their thoughts and personal tales from the swamps. Zeni also imparts to the guests wisdom she has gained and lessons she has learned through the years in hopes of empowering and inspiring them to become their Superhuman, Divine Self as well.

Excerpts from Narrated Portion of The Toad Chronicles Adventure Ride

Excerpt from Start of Escapade Five

Narration begins with Zeni speaking with Rudy:

“Let’s start with you, Rudy. Please tell us a little bit about yourself.”

“I’m from Charleston, South Carolina. My partner, Mitt, and I own an interior design firm. . .”

“It sounds like you really enjoy what you do for a living.”

“You bet I do. I fucking love being a designer. It’s definitely my calling.”

“That’s wonderful you have discovered your Divine purpose.”

“I can’t tell you how blessed I am to wake up every day to a job I fucking love. For fifteen years, I busted my ass as a pharmaceutical salesman. I hated every minute of it, but the money was great.”

“What prompted you to change careers?”

“In 2001, I had a massive heart attack. Let me tell ya, it scared the living fuck out of me. I was . . .”

Excerpt from Start of Escapade Three

Narration begins with Zeni speaking with Virgil:

“Fair enough. Let me ask you then. What do you think about the ‘abducted by aliens’ toad?”

“Ma’am, with all due respect, I ain’t never heard nothin’ like that before. That boy, Alfie, he was just damn plain crazy.”

“A lot of our past guests have felt the same way as you. Personally, I don’t agree with the doctrines of Alfie’s religion. But everyone is entitled to their beliefs; provided, of course, those beliefs don’t physically, mentally, or emotionally harm another person.”

“I don’t agree with ya, ma’am. There’s only one way for a man to believe, and that’s to believe in Jesus Christ as his Savior.”

“Praise the Lord, Mister Virgil.”

“Miss Shaniqua, I ain’t never gonna have me a colored person in my home. But you’re always welcome to worship with me at my church.”

“What? You afraid yous gonna catch something from me ’cause I’m black? We’s all just people, Mister Virgil.”

Excerpt from Start of Escapade Five

Narration begins with Zeni speaking with Charlie:

“Virgil, I’m going to interrupt. I’d like to hear from Charlie. Would you have gone to Boston, if you were me?”

“In a heartbeat. I don’t have a lot of women interested in me, so when opportunity knocks, I take it. But if I got dumped like you did, I would have been depressed for years. How did you get over the hurt?”

“The best thing I did was to spend some time alone. It gave me an opportunity to heal and reflect upon all that I had been through.”

“But I hate being alone.”

“Most people I talk to feel the same way as you. Society rarely teaches us about the benefits of meditative periods spent alone in our own company. We can learn a great deal about ourself during these alone periods while confronting any darkness existing within us.”

“Sounds pretty scary. I don’t like the darkness.”

“None of us really do. We don’t like to look at the parts of ourselves that need fixing. By confronting the darkness, though, we can heal from our wounds and move forward into the light. We certainly can’t do that with a bunch of noise distracting us.”

Excerpt from Start of Escapade Seven

Narration begins with Zeni speaking with Emma:

“. . . Now, let me get back to Emma. Why don’t you finish what you were saying?”

“Thanks, Zeni. Now, where was I?”

“You were talking about being a society wife.”

“Oh, yes. . . . Look, I know it’s hard for you to understand. But from the day I was born, I was groomed to be a socialite. I went to the finest  boarding schools, played lacrosse, became a debutante, and learned to speak fluent French. I then went to Princeton where I got a degree in art history. Two days after graduation, Daddy introduced me to Parker. His great-grandfather founded one of the largest steel companies.”

“Why did you decide to divorce him?”

“The divorce wasn’t my idea. He’s the one who wanted it, so he can marry his Puerto Rican whore.”

“I’m sorry to hear it didn’t work out with Parker. But in my opinion, you’re better off without him.”

“You don’t fucking get it, do you?”

“I didn’t mean to offend you, Emma.”

Excerpt from Start of Escapade Nine

Narration begins with Jennifer speaking with Zeni:

“So, if I’m understanding you correctly, the bad stuff that’s going on in the world right now is the result of our separation from God and, in turn, each other.”

“Yes, that’s absolutely correct. We have become totally disconnected as a humanity, both from God and each other.”

“Wow! Thank you so much for enlightening me. I’m going to share your message with everyone I know.”

“You’re most welcome. And yes, keep spreading the message, far and wide. Does anyone else have anything they would like to say? . . . Yes, Virgil.”

“Young lady, I ain’t never heard so much malarkey come outta one person’s mouth. You ain’t God, I ain’t no god, an’ Winnie, she damn sure ain’t no goddess.”

“Speak for yourself, you ’ol coot. I like the thought of being a goddess.”

“You know I’m right, Winifred. Pastor Henry talked about this in church last month. You remember, don’t ya?”

“Sure, I remember. It was right before he passed around the offerings basket, asking for money.”

“Pastor Henry says that spiritual people like Miss Zeni are messin’ up the world. They’re leading us straight to Hell.”

Excerpt from Start of Escapade Eleven

Narration begins with Zeni speaking with the guests:

You know, ladies and gentlemen, I could go on for hours with one example after another demonstrating the dishonesty prevalent among “commitment creep” species of toads. But if I did, you’d never get the opportunity to meet the “double dater” toad.

“José, do you see that mile marker up on the right-hand side?”

“I can’t see it.”

“It’s about a hundred feet from us. The fog is starting to roll, so it’s a little hard to see.”

“Okay, I see it now.”

“Park the buggy next to it, but please keep the fog lights on so our guests can view this next escapade.”

“It’s so weird. The fog only comes to this part of the swamps.”

“I know. It’s one of the many mysteries of these swamps. Now, let’s get this next escapade rolling, shall we?”

“Sí, sí, we’re all parked.”

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